Me, Myself and I…

Posted on by frombrotherswithlove

I am strong, I am beautiful, I am happy, I dream, I work hard, I make my own decisions, I challenge myself, I make mistakes, I learn, I am achieving,… every day…again and again…I love me, I love my life, I love every day. I only have one life. It might be long, It might be short. But it is mine. I choose how I live it.

I couldn’t wait to hit 18, the magic age, as I saw it, where nobody will be able to tell me what to do ever again. Freeeeeeeeedom. As much as I loved them both I couldn’t wait to leave my parents house and see the world. My reasoning was, if I do not succeed in what I wanted to do, I can always come home. It was a safety blanket if you like, the excitement hightened and fear disappeared. Life is full of surprises, good and bad, and it was down to me to carve a path for myself, deal with the obstacles as they arose, keep learning, keep working and dreaming, and be me. At 18 years old I decided I will not have children before I hit 30. I wanted to know myself first and discover myself deeper. Get the partying out of the way, travel, discover what I like to eat, do, who is worthy of my time, what I like or dislike about men….

”I am not here to live up to your expectations I am here to live up to mine.’ Bruce Lee said once.

And I do, simply because that way I am not ever disappointed. I know what I am capable off, what I can do, achieve, I know what I want, I am living to my expectations and they are a lot higher than anyone could ever expect from someone else. My being is not overburdened by doing something wrong or doing it the way nobody else is or wonder what would people say. I really do not care. I am me and proud of it. I learn from mistakes, I am kind, polite and respectful and most importantly I live without regrets.

Now that I have decided how and where |I wanted to live, what I wanted to do, how I wanted to be…..they arrived…one after the other with nearly 2 years between them.

The Fridge and Larder…

Posted on by frombrotherswithlove

Do you actually know what you enjoy eating? I mean really enjoy, every bite, every spoonfull?

I decided at 22. I emptied the whole fridge & larder and put back only what I love, want or need. And since I am the cook of the household the rest of the family eats the same. I shop once a week for the week ahead and free the rest of my time for activities I actually enjoy. Cooking is not one of them but we all need to eat. It’s as natural and simple as it can get – no Michelin stars here, but we are all healthy, slim and full of energy. I buy raw ingredients and cook from afresh. Ready meals are far and few between.

My fridge:

  • Baby Spinach, Gem Lettuce, Beetroot, Cucumber, Tomatoes, Tins of Sardines/Mackerel/Anchovies
  • Ham, Prosciutto, Mortadella, Cheddar/Emmental Cheese, Buffalo Mozzarella, Parmesan, Smoked Bacon, Pancetta, Smooth Pate, Jars of Gherkins, Peppers, Artichokes, Olives
  • Eggs, Strawberry Jam, Conserves – Blueberry, Blackcurrant, Salted Butter and Olive Oil Spread
  • Whole Milk, Soured Cream, Mayonnaise, Tomato Sauce, English Mustard, Horseradish, Bramley Sauce, Cranberry Sauce, Chutney, Salad Dressing, Balsamic Vinegar, Hot Chili Sauce, Burger Sauce
  • Bananas, Apples, Lemons & Oranges, Pineapple, Melon, Pears, Strawberries & Blueberries
  • Broccoli, Carrots, Parsnip, Brussel Sprouts, Red/White Cabbage, Kale, Onions & Garlic, Sugar Snaps, Green Beans, Potatoes, Peppers
  • Milk Chocolate/Milk Chocolate with whole Nuts
  • Chicken Thighs/Wings/Drumsticks, Whole Chicken, Beef Mince Meet, Beef Burgers/Steaks, Loin of Pork, Pork Chops, Leg of Lamb, British Sausages/Bratwurst, Turkey Steaks, Venison Steaks, Calves Liver, Black Pudding & Haggis …….
  • Fish – Salmon Steaks, Mussels/Prawns/Squid, Whole Trout

My Larder:

  • Wholewheat Pasta – Spaghetti, Penne & Lasagna Sheets, Spinach and Ricotta Tortellini, Brown Rice, Noodles for Stir Fry
  • Nuts – Walnuts, Cashews, Almonds, Dry Roasted Peanuts, Pecan & Brazil Nuts, Flaked Almonds, Raisins, Chestnuts, Dried Cranberries/Mango
  • Nutella, Honey, Peanut Butter, Brown Sugar
  • Tins of Baked Beans, Chickpeas, Red Kidney Beans, Butter Beans, Sweetcorn, Passata
  • Wholewheat Bread with Seeds/Rye Bread, White Bread occasionally, Oven Bake Sourdough Baguettes, Spelt Flour, Plain Flour
  • Cereal – Bran Flakes, Shreddies, Frosties, Corn Flakes and Porridge
  • Biscuits – a variety of Biscuits with Shortbreads always available, Crisps – Ready Salted, Black Pepper & Sweet Chili
  • Wholewheat Krisprolls, Black Pepper/Rosemary Crackers
  • Herbs – Parsley, Oregano, Basil, Smoked Paprika, Ground Ginger/Cinnamon, Cayenne Pepper, Turmeric, Garlic Granules, Salt& Pepper, Olive Oil, Chicken/Beef Stock Cubes
  • Coffee, Peppermint/Lemon & Ginger Tea, English Tea

I do not wake up thinking about food – I have turned off all that food noise because I know there will be something in the fridge that I can eat, when I am hungry. I decided that I will eat to live and not live to eat. With that decision made I am free to spend my days how I choose without my mind being overburdened with something that is already there.

Head Tidy up…

Posted on by frombrotherswithlove

I decided what I want to look like at 18 years of age. I like my hair long and I am proud to be a brunette. I like a fringe too – gives me a more sophisticated look. I use make up – mascara and good quality foundation never leave my side. As eyeshadow I like natural colors, browns with a hint of sparkle. My favorite color is black but I also like to wear white in the summer. Dark blues, greens, reds, greys and patterns also find their way into my wardrobe occasionally. It’s more of a sporty cum casual cum classic style. I like trainers, platform sandals and boots but also have a pair of high heels for special occasions in the back of my cupboard. I wear slippers around the house.

I like my surroundings free of clutter. I am not a hoarder – I only keep things that have touched the bottom of my heart. On my kitchen top you will find a kettle, a toaster, a kitchen towel holder and a tea bag jar. There are no pots of flowers (discovered that I am not green fingered), no ornaments, no boxes or pots gathering dust, cooking books are in the draw. All other electric appliances are stored away since they are not used daily anyway. The cupboards are not overflowing – how many cups, glasses, plates, bowls, pots/pans, baking trays does anyone actually need? The dining room table has a vase of real roses gracing the middle. The floor is clear.

My living room is also clean of ‘dust collectors’ as I like to call them. There are sofas, TV is on the wall, cupboard below has one picture frame on it, beside a sofa is a coffee table where two mats and a whisky decanter are placed. The floor is clear.

The bathroom is my worst room with toothbrushes, toothpaste and soap dispenser on the sink. If I could put them somewhere else I would gladly do so but these are used daily. The window ledges are empty. The shower has a shampoo, a conditioner and a shower gel – one of each. All the creams, shaving necessities, towels are stored away in the cupboard under the sink. There are two washing bins in the corner – two, waist tall, wooden white boxes. All the cleaning bottles are under the kitchen sink. The floor is clear.

The bedrooms have beds, cupboards with all the clothes hung/folded and bedside draws for a lamp to be displayed on. Yes, boys have Xboxes but the games are stored away. The sets of draws are serving the purpose of being storage for knickers, pants, socks and hairdryer.

Well organized or just over the top?

I really do not mind how you perceive it but it works for me. It does not take me 2 hours to get ready in the morning, the house is tidy but so is my mind. I can enjoy the morning and wake up slowly. New day new beginning. I have time to drink my coffee in peace, watch the news, organize breakfast, and face the world ready for any challenges it might throw my way. I count my blessings and start the day with a smile on my face. I lock the door and go to work, still smiling.

Who Are You?

Posted on by frombrotherswithlove

Do you know who you are? Are you the person you WANT to be? Are you YOU?

I am and I love who I am.

I am a woman, a strong woman who loves her job, her two boys, her husband and I love the challenges every day throws at me.

I am kind, thoughtful, helpful and fair. I do not make excuses, I admit to my mistakes and learn from them, all. I am hard working and enjoy what I do. I am loving and loved. I take full responsibility for my decisions and believe that I am where I am through my own choice. I do not have regrets, I cannot change the past.

I am 5’8” tall and I weigh around 9 and a half stone. I stopped growing at 16 and I have been the same weight since I was 22 years old. I haven’t weighed myself in years, but I have been buying the same size clothes for the last 25 years. I love how I look and feel.

I love sport, always have. But I did not have Ipads, Xboxes and Social Media when I was growing up. I lived, outdoors. Football, volleyball, running, skiing, skating, climbing, walking, I had fun. I read newspapers and books, lots of books.

I decide what I do, who I am and where I want to go. I am happy with me and I am comfortable in my own skin.

Are you?

Routine…

Posted on by frombrotherswithlove

I simply cannot live without it. Routine to everyday life keeps my life organized, keeps me in control and most of all gives me time for me. The older I am getting the more important I am to myself. I need and want time to be able to have my nails done or go to hairdressers or simply read a book. That is on top of a full time job, looking after the boys, keeping the house in order and making sure the whole family eats healthily. It’s my pet hate – cooking – but I do it nonetheless. I am being harsh but I eat to live and not eat to live. No Michelin stars here but it’s all from scratch and healthy.

I like simple dinners, especially since I had a very troubled relationship with food in my early twenties. I was a bulimic and until a colleague at work said to me ‘ Whatever you are eating or not eating you need to stop. You’ll soon look like a skeleton and it doesn’t suit you.’ I looked myself in the mirror and did not like what I saw. There and then I decided to figure out what I actually liked to eat and went on the journey of Atkins Diet. It was a perfect start to my journey of recovery from bad choices. No sugar, no starch and no flour. It was brutal but so rewarding. My weight has been the same for the last 30 years and I can still fit into my prom dress.

It was a choice but one of the best I have ever made. From limited food choices I started adding the ones I actually loved, from nuts to fruit and vegetables, meat and fish, brown/seeded bread, brown rice and wholewheat pasta, everything cooked afresh. I also very much like chocolate, mixed with nuts preferably and I eat it every day. Everything in moderation. My hair was shining again, nails were stronger, I had lots of energy and I was happier within myself. I still am now. And so are the boys. I ate the same when pregnant and breastfeeding. They have no allergies, no behavior problems and plenty of energy. They are growing into strong, healthy individuals with sports and fresh air in galore.

And here we are back to the routine. It all starts with awakening, every day at the same time. I start the day with good old black coffee and hot lemon water to flush the system. And then the organized chaos begins. Breakfast is eaten at the kitchen table, followed by getting changed into school clothes, pack the bags, washing machine on, tidy up and off to enjoy another day at school, work ready for the challenges being thrown at us. I leave the house tidy. The boys tidy up after themselves, it’s the least they can do. We scooter or bike to school. I even went on rollerblades and was called the coolest mum ever. Nothing wrong with being different. The boys get fresh air before hitting the school tables and I refresh my brain before going to work. Our little way of saving the planet as well.

After school I brought with me snacks for the boys – bananas, apples, pears, plums, strawberries, raspberries, any fruit and nuts of any sorts mixed with raisins or a bar like Eat Natural, Alpen anything that slowly releases energy into the system. Then I took the boys to the park – letting them loose running around, climbing obstacles in the playground or making the most of the swings and toboggans. By trying to do it all by themselves they have learnt their limitations and at the same time challenge themselves to succeed. They have learnt how to fall and pick themselves up again. Football was regularly played and tennis was one of our favorites as well.

Once we came home, we all changed into home clothes and then it was homework for the boys, while I started getting the dinner ready. If there was no homework we did spelling tests or practising timetables. Dinner was served at the same time every day, between 5 and 6 pm, depending on football/rugby training schedule. Always at the table and together. The dinner was followed by dessert – in the form of ice cream, chocolate biscuits anything with chocolate instead of sweets that get stuck to your teeth. I am not a fan of them anyway. To drink the boys liked Ribena but otherwise it was just simply water throughout the day. After dinner we all relaxed by watching a film or spent an hour on iPads playing games. When the boys were little it was easier to control how much time they spent on their digital gadgets. It is possible to limit them as long as they have something else to do or they have earned their time on them. Rules are rules and at the end of the day the children and their wellbeing are our responsibility.

Bed time started with the bath, pyjamas and reading. At the weekend we often visited the library and the boys chose their books themselves. Every evening for an hour it was reading time before the lights were switched off and they went to sleep. And that was when I had time for me, myself and I.

Fresh Air and Some…

Posted on by frombrotherswithlove

At every opportunity, any given day, despite the weather, at the weekend, walking/cycling/scootering to nursery/school, after school, whenever possible…. The young brains need to be aired and Leo&Raph’s certainly were. It was good for the mum as well. It was our time together. They learnt how to climb, how to jump, how to crawl and how to fall without crying, simply brushing themselves off and enjoying the rest of the day. The tears only ever came when they really hurt themselves, which luckily was very rare.

In the summer at weekends I’d pack sandwiches, fruit, nuts and chocolate in the rucksack and off we went on the bikes for the day, stopping in the playgrounds on the way or kicking ball in the park. We would take a bus up the mountain and walk all the way back home, discovering wild animals, nature at its best, soaking up the warmth of the sun or go for a swim in the lake.

In winter, with snow all around us, we would grab sledges and walk through the forest up to a mountain hut where we would stop for a wonderfully delicious casserole and blueberry/cheese strudel with a hot chocolate. Once the bellies were full we would sledge down the mountain screaming of joy all the way. Raph, the daredevil, loved to go as fast as possible. My heart was in my mouth on many occasions. Leo on the other hand was always more cautious but nonetheless fearless.

The sport I absolutely loved to pass on to the boys was skiing. I taught them myself, between my legs they found their first turns and soon found their own feet and styles. Leo was the classy skier with perfect turns and calculated speed to maximum perfection, Raph was more aggressive and only interested in how fast he would get to the bottom. To my delight and to the skiing club parents disbelief, Leo won 5th place in the regional competition without ever been coached by professionals, only his loving mum. Proud I was indeed.

Sleeping Well…

Posted on by frombrotherswithlove

Once Leo and Raph arrived the magic of this beautiful bundles of life begun. Two new lives starting out with guidance from their mother and father together , just one of them or even any guardians in charge of them. Our duty is to teach them how to behave, instill good manners, show the compassion to people around them, keeping them safe and happy.

It all starts with breast milk – they eat what mother, who breastfeeds, eat. I was lucky to be able to breastfeed and did not shy away from nature’s gifts of nuts, fresh fruit and vegetables, meat and fish. I also much prefer brown rice, brown bread and wholewheat pasta. I did shy away from processed food, sweets and junk food though. I don’t eat them anyway and cook from scratch. I may not be the Michelin star chef but it is all healthy. Neither of the boys have any allergies and touch wood are rarely sick.

Unfortunately or fortunately for them, depending on who you listen to, they have a mother who loves outdoors, fresh air and enjoying the nature. My moto is and always has been ‘tire them out doing sports and they will always sleep well,’ especially with boys who can be boisterous and full of beans. Off we went walking, cycling, hiking, skiing and sledging. No matter the weather we dressed appropriately and soaked the fresh air through the day, every day. Once they started school we went to the park afterwards, kicking ball, played in the playground on swings and climbing the structures or ran hide and seek. It aired their lungs and cleared their minds. By the time we reached home they were hungry and polished their dinner plates.

It’s Christmas….

Posted on by frombrotherswithlove

My Father loved Christmas. He chose the tree carefully and inspected the decorations with the last item for the tip being his choice of finishing it all off. I can see him seating at the head of the table, drumming his fingers listening to Christmas music, a glass of wine infront of him, never half full, waiting for Christmas dinner to be served. It was always a joyous time with the whole family together, enjoying each others jokes and laughter in galore.

And Christmas should be joyous whether by family coming together, or just the two of you enjoying the Christmas celebrations with love. Presents, yes everyone is looking forward to presents, but love is the gift that will always be remembered. Not everyone is blessed with good health but showing and telling those closest to you that you love them goes a long way. If not now they will remember it some time later.

My Father may not be here in flesh but in spirit he will always be with me. I shall drink a glass of wine in his honor and celebrate the memories we have created. I will tell him how much I love him and send him kisses. I may carry his ashes with me in a ring on my finger but the memories will always be in my heart locked in there forever. There will be a sad moment, I’m sure, but for all of us who are still here the Christmas spirit must be kept festive and new memories created.

A Very Merry Christmas to you all….🎄🎄🎄

Both our Hearts….

Posted on by frombrotherswithlove

My Father may have suddenly been taken from me without saying goodbye but I am the one left behind to carry a burden of grief, guilt and endless tears. Or am I?

The one thing I carry with me is that He did not suffer too much in the last week of his life but even that I will not ever know for certain since I wasn’t there. It’s only on a say so of the doctors and nurses that were taking care of him. And I am grateful to them all and I respect them for being there, it’s just frustrating that after a week of him collapsing I actually do not know why he died that Saturday night. Without the slightest warning. All on his own.

My heart broke in a million pieces and my world came to a standstill at the news. I shed an enormous sea of tears until there were no more. Sleepless nights followed trying to make sense of it all yet nothing could calm a whirlwind in my head. How do you come to terms with not ever seeing the one you looked up to, learnt from, respected and loved with all of your heart ever again? How do you comprehend the enormity of life cut off out of the blue?

Life takes you on all sorts of journeys and tests every woman/man to their limits sometimes, but the strength comes from within. It comes from guidance and teachings of people who raised you, who instilled in you the love of yourself and respect for others. Never to give up and find happiness in little things first, only then you shall be worthy of more. And that’s what my Father has taught me. Little by little, be overwhelmed and filled with sadness but your inner strength will find a way of finding the light, shining in the lives who are still here because of him.

My heart bleeds every time he comes into my thoughts but I have now locked my Father in my heart and he will forever live in me and Leo&Raph. I will always remember him with love, fondness and optimism that I will see him again. I am eternally grateful for him being in my life, for being my Father and for all the memories we have created together. I let myself being sad that I won’t be able to hug him ever again, but at the same time I celebrate our time together every time my thoughts turn to him. If it all gets too much, which still does, I talk to him. It may just be in my head but I know he is listening. He is with me every day, forever, until the day I die. And both our hearts will be joyous again….

One with Nature..

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Once the snow has melted away and the nature awoke, flowering, growing, there were fruits to be picked in abundance. And we did it every year. Wild strawberries in May picked and eaten at that moment are just pure bliss. The cherries followed soon after. It’s a gift to us all that just keeps giving.

My Father and I picked spruce tips which you then layered in sugar in a glass, closed it tightly, and put it on the sun. Once the sugars melted you were left with thick syrup to mix with water like Ribena and it made a perfect refreshing drink any time of the year. The syrup is also used to calm a cough. And the spruce grows everywhere. We also picked arnica which was then soaked in alcohol and was used for cuts, grazes, anything that hurt really, at least my Father did and he always had a bottle handy. I only made a mistake of coming home with a grazed knee and telling my Father once. Arnica stings and stings and brings tears to your eyes, but it does the job, no infections to be found with the arnica around.

Through the summer into autumn blackberries, blueberries and raspberries were ready to be harvested. On the bikes we went and spent hours in the fresh air picking the goodies. And then there was rosehip, thorny but so very worthy. The jam made from rosehip is simply divine – my favorite still, as was my Father’s.

I have learnt from my Father all about the wild mushrooms as well. Porcinis were the ones we were hunting for mostly, but golden chanterelles (with scrambled eggs) and umbrellas (fried covered in breadcrumbs) were equally delicious. I have learnt about the poisonous ones to avoid and only pick the ones you actually know. If we came across a mushroom we have not seen before we looked in a book, yes we had a book with us, and if still unsure simply left it be. The nature will treat you exactly the way you are treating her.

My Father used to have a bag with him especially for picking litter. We were in the middle of the forest but you would still find a plastic wrapper just thrown on the floor or a rusty tin, or a piece of foil… If everyone took what they brought with them back home we would all have a wonderful world to live in. We could all breathe properly.

Through the summer holidays I also helped my Father to cut down trees and prepare the logs for the winter. I have been doing that since I was a child. I came to love splitting logs with an axe and found it a great release. It was hard work but utterly rewarding with an open fire through the winter. My Father was chopping trees down until he died in his 80ies, and the last conversation I had with him on that Sunday he was breaking up the ice in front of the house, with an axe of course. Never beaten, never gave up, lived to the full to his last breath. The one thing we did not do together, no goodbye….